Getting My Brain Back: Returning to Education with Chronic Illness
- 11 minutes ago
- 7 min read
READER’S NOTE: If you're new here, you may like to read the opening posts in the My Story series first, where I share how chronic illness changed my life.
When Brain Fog Took Over
Throughout my years living with chronic illness, there were long periods when brain fog and cognitive difficulties became so severe that reading books, or even understanding and replying to text messages was a struggle. For many years the most I could read, on a good day, would be a magazine article. And even that would have to be broken up into separate stints.
Neither my brain nor my body were fully functioning. But I missed reading and learning so much. I wondered if I’d ever be able to do either again. Many a time I would find myself speaking to whichever deity was listening and in charge, offering them a deal: give me my brain back, fully functioning, and they could take away my ability to walk. I just felt that if I could have anything working fully again, I would choose my brain over my body every time.
Give me my brain back, fully functioning, and they could take away my ability to walk.
As my health has improved in recent years, the brain fog has lifted. Being able to read books again has been such a joy. However, if I have pushed myself and done too much, then not only is my body fatigued, but my brain is too. So I have to be careful and pace myself mindfully.
Taking the Leap Back into Education
It had been over two decades since I was last in education. I had a lot going on in my life then, and I made the decision to step away from the degree I was working towards. It was the right decision for me at the time. But, I have always had that desire in the back of my mind to return to studying and prove to myself that I was capable of earning a degree.
That’s why, in July 2025, I applied to study an Open University Arts and Languages Access module because I knew I wanted to study English Language at degree level, and this was the suggested precursor. At the age of 52, with a chronic illness and an elderly mum to care for, I took a huge leap and decided to return to formal education.
I chose The Open University for my return to education because online learning meant no travelling and arriving already exhausted. No strict timetable of lectures and seminars to adhere to. But instead the ability to study at home, at largely my own pace, and to my own schedule.
And scheduling is exactly where I began before even considering applying for the course. I mapped out my days in a spreadsheet, hour by hour, to see if I could create enough time for studying, while including my care responsibilities, and prioritising sleep and rest. It turned out that all I needed to do was reduce the amount of time I spent watching TV and scrolling mindlessly on my phone. On paper, it looked as though it could work.
Learning to Trust My Brain Again
This Access course was to be my test, to see if my scheduling worked out in real life. Could I juggle looking after my own health, caring for Mum and studying? Was my brain really up to the job?
I’ll be honest, I was doubtful. The first few months of 2025 were really rocky for my now ninety-year-old mum, and things at home got really hard for a while. So I was very mindful of how our situation could easily turn on a sixpence! And, I wasn’t sure if my brain was ready for this level of studying.
However, soon after starting in October, I felt I had made the right decision. I still wasn’t sure if I had what it took. But I was absolutely loving learning again!
A fellow student set up a WhatsApp group for those of us on the same module to communicate, which gave me connection and stopped learning from home from feeling so lonely. It also helped me to realise that others also had anxieties about their ability, and also had their own life challenges and responsibilities to juggle with their studies. I then didn’t feel quite so alone. I was part of a tribe of very supportive people.
The structure and pace of the course, and being able to fit it around my life worked really well for me. I had the room to be flexible. If one day my brain was not capable of concentrating then I could rest and pick it up the next day. If I could only cope with half an hour at a time, that too was completely possible. I soon found my groove and got the right balance of studying, household chores and rest.
We started with reading, writing, speaking, listening, and how we use language. This included looking at a variety of different texts, listening to and reading different dialects, linguistic biographies etc. I was in heaven, this is what I wanted to learn! Then we moved onto poetry, which I was apprehensive about, but through learning the techniques used to understand poetry, and studying various protest poems, I then grew to love and feel quite passionate about it. We studied famous speeches and Hip-hop, along with language and identity, which was all fascinating. Then my love of history was reignited, and an obsession with Chartism was born as we learned about the fight of ordinary working men to have the vote. I had forgotten quite how much I had enjoyed studying history at college. Then we finished on the topic of art, the one I was dreading, and struggled to get to grips with, the most. Until I got to study the history painting Guernica, that is. Understanding the artists techniques, and the story behind this extraordinary painting, led to another obsession.
It was a roller-coaster of tough bits and smoother rides. Weeks I got behind, and weeks I managed, with careful planning, to get ahead because of events I knew I had coming up. My sixteen-year-old cat became ill as I was working on one assignment, and sadly passed away. But I got through it all. Largely through the support of my fellow students.
This wasn't really about getting a distinction. It was about finding out whether I could trust my brain again.
The scores on my assignments were higher than I expected. But it was the feedback that was the most useful. Both in boosting confidence in my ability, but also in helping to build on and improve my academic skills. I started to believe in myself, and that maybe my dream of one day gaining a degree could be possible.
All too quickly, seven months and four assignments passed and it was all over! I had managed to get through it all, and without any detriment to my carefully managed health.
I felt alive again. It wasn't just that I had enjoyed the course; it was as though I had rediscovered a part of myself that I thought was long gone. I hadn’t quite realised how much the previous years of my life had felt, in part, like a period of dormancy. My brain was waking up again and eager for more. The learning centre was working again, and it felt amazing!
My brain was now fully awake and eager for more.
More Than Just a Distinction
This week, after a painfully long wait of over eight weeks, we got our results. And I am very proud to say that I got a Distinction, with an overall mark of 90%—I was totally blown away! From my earlier results, I knew I was doing well, but I had no idea it was that well. I was actually quite stunned. For years I thought studying again was a pipedream, something to hold on to and work towards, but somewhere I would never quite reach. Nine months ago, when I started this course, I doubted that I would cope and get through it. I never dreamt of doing so well.
I was bursting with so much excitement, I didn’t know who to tell first. Well, obviously my mum, as we live together, she called me a “clever girl”, which the child inside of me absolutely loved! But who to message next? We were all sharing in our course group chat when we each got our results, to say that we had passed. But we’d agreed very early on not to share our marks. We were each on our own journey and “comparison is the thief of joy”. There were a couple of friends and family members who were great supporters of mine, so they were the first few, and in fact, really the only people I messaged. Others I will tell when I next see them. It’s not always easy to share our accomplishments, it can sometimes feel too much like boasting.
But for me, this was about far more than a high score and a distinction. This had been an experiment to see if I was capable cognitively of learning again, and if I could juggle everything else with studying. This result has shown me that I am and I can. For this I am very grateful, but it also makes me hungry for more!
The Next Chapter
Next I will push the experiment further, and see if I can finally achieve my long-held dream of working towards an undergraduate degree. In October I will be starting the next chapter in my learning journey. I will be starting a part-time Open University undergraduate degree in Arts and Humanities, specialising in English Language and History.
And I cannot wait!
If you’re also living with chronic illness, or you’ve been wondering whether there are still new chapters waiting for you, I hope my story has given you a little encouragement.
Sometimes we don’t know what’s possible until we gently test the waters. We might discover that parts of ourselves we thought were lost have simply been waiting for the right conditions to return.
Thank you for joining me on this part of my journey. I hope you’ll come back and see where the next chapter leads.
After so many years of worrying that I would never regain my cognition or be able to learn again, it turned out my brain had simply been waiting until the conditions were right.
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