Dinner Is No Longer One-Size-Fits-All: Different Dietary Needs at the Dinner Table
- 6 days ago
- 5 min read
Dinner is no longer one-size-fits-all
For previous generations, each day’s main meal was the same for everyone in the household, whether they liked that meal or not. There was no option to have separate meals. But, these days it is very common for a household to have people with a combination of different dietary tastes, needs and requirements: low-carb, high protein, vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, low-FODMAP, dairy-free, etc. Often people within a household can also have different daily schedules and different appetite sizes. Some people have an emotional relationship with food, and some may have energy limitations affecting cooking capacity. Dinner is no longer one-size-fits-all, and this is something I have struggled with, no matter who I am living with.
Challenges of different food preferences and dietary needs
For several years it was just my son and me to cook for. But having Cystic Fibrosis meant he had higher energy needs than me, due to fat malabsorption. While he was growing up, the advice was for him to have a high-fat, high-protein diet and get as many calories into him as possible, by any means necessary (I hope the advice is a little more fine-tuned than that these days!). As someone struggling with their weight, this was challenging for me to deal with, not only all the tasty calorific snacks in the house, but what to cook for dinner each day. And I really didn’t have the skills (or the time as a single mum juggling so many things) to deal with this in a particularly healthy way for either of us.
Now, my challenge is altogether different. I live with my elderly mum, who is prediabetic, with a very small appetite, has been told not to lose any more weight and is no longer able to cook for herself. Coupled with that is our different tastes. Mum is very traditional in her tastes, so used to a fairly bland diet with little variety: potatoes every day, only one vegetable with dinner, not accustomed to strong or different flavours, doesn’t like things like sweet potatoes or pasta (unless it’s ‘thin’ like spaghetti) and all vegetables must be cooked until they’re almost mushy! Mum also likes to have a variety of biscuits and cakes in the house, although claims to not have a sweet tooth. I know she’s not unique. She is quite typical in her food choices and experiences of someone of her generation.
Different eating habits
I like variety, and want to get as many different plants into my diet as possible. I am not vegetarian, but would ideally like to have a couple of vegetarian meals a week. Over the years I have not got the balance right. I am quite a bit overweight, used to large portions and have a very sweet tooth. And I have a deep-rooted emotional connection with food, which I am currently working through with a therapist. I may write more about that another time.
Mum is at a stage in life where she wants to have whatever she wants, regardless of whether it’s healthy, which is fair enough at her age. But, I am still looking to my own long-term health, and hopefully also living until my 90s. The challenge when it comes to cooking dinners is very real, very hard and very much ongoing!
Mum isn’t very demanding when it comes to her dinners, but she likes what she likes. She tells me she would be quite happy having M&S ready meals every night, so I can cook what I want for myself. But I can’t do that! I want to do the best for my mum and for her health and wellbeing, whilst also looking after my own needs. And, we already eat breakfast and lunch separately, because we eat different things at different times (and because Mum insists on having all meals in front of the TV, but that’s a whole new post in itself!), so it would be good to share at least one meal a day together.
Cooking two separate dinners every day isn’t sustainable for most people. But, for someone living with an increasingly busy life and managing a chronic health issue, it simply isn’t possible. Chronic fatigue just makes the complexity of this daily logistical puzzle even harder.
Small tweaks not a massive overhaul
If you’re reading this in the hope of the magic answer to this common difficulty, then I am sorry, I just don’t have it. But, over the years there are a few small tweaks I’ve made that make a bit of a difference:
Gradually increasing the number of vegetables in our main meal. Nearly five years in and Mum doesn’t even comment on a meal having three or more different vegetables.
Sneak vegetables into sauces, e.g. cut up small in tomato-based sauces for things like lasagne or bolognese.
Adding in extra grains e.g. pearl barley in risotto, with less risotto rice. Mum still has no idea I do this. She has never noticed.
Homemade chips air-fried with very little oil, instead of shop-bought frozen chips coated in lard.
Same protein base but different carbs, Mum has potatoes, I’ll have brown rice or sweet potato.
When I have the energy to cook, I make something we both will eat, e.g. chicken casserole, for four people, so two portions can go in the freezer. Home-cooked ready meals that either of us can warm up in the microwave another time.
Accepting that it is ok to occasionally have something processed that you just chuck in the oven, especially if I don’t have the energy to do anything else.
Is batch cooking the answer?
More recently I have started The Batch Lady style of cooking, preparing twice the amount of food needed, and freezing half to cook another day. Although there is still the issue of finding meals that we both like, so there have been successes and failures (something I will write about in more detail another time).
As for most things in life, this is all a constant learning curve, and writing this post has helped me realise that we have come a long way and there have been many successful adjustments. When it comes to my energy, I think The Batch Lady approach will be very useful, it’s just taking time to get into the flow of it. Menu planning each week can feel quite a drag, but when I do it I am so grateful for the rest of the week, as I don’t have to ask myself daily ‘What shall we have for dinner?’. And being able to pull something out of the freezer that’s prepared and ready to cook that is still home-made, is rather satisfying.
The reality of just doing my best
But currently, the reality is that sometimes I cook from scratch a meal we both eat, sometimes one of us has a ready meal and the other something homecooked, and sometimes we both have a ready meal. However, what is most important is that I acknowledge to myself that I am doing the best that I can with the circumstances and the energy that I have.
If you too are struggling with similar issues, know that you’re not alone. Talk to people around you, you’ll soon find that there are very few households where everyone is eating the same meal at the same time. Many of us find what we feel should be so simple, feeding our loved ones, is a lot harder than we expected it to be. Just keep doing your best, which I am sure you are, and see what other little tweaks you can make. It’s the little tweaks which are sustainable, not the massive overhauls.
What are your daily meal challenges and struggles? Do you have any good tips? Share your story in the comments below, I’d love to hear!
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